Monday, December 30, 2019

Defining Myself: Transmasculine Experience Through Poetry by Michael Eric Brown and Max Andeo Meyer book thoughts

Defining Myself by Michael Brown and Max Meyer

Synopsis: The collective works of thirty-eight individuals who have revealed their deepest emotions in written word. Over seventy poems putting a voice to the process of living authentically in one's gender. Words which have come from the depths of their beings-from the ache of depression, the fiery pits of anger, darkness of their fears, and the deep wells of loss; as well as from their journeys of change to their passions of joy and acceptance.

All are transmasculine, meaning they identify somewhere on the masculine side of the gender spectrum. Some may be fully transitioned female-to-male (FTM) while others may be non-binary, gender fluid or simply transmasculine, with or without having gone through a physical transition. It is not the physical that makes the person-it is the self-identification, the self-love and self-acceptance-and it is all these experiences in each of these individuals that help create our diverse community of transmasculine folks.

In a Nutshell: A book of poetry by and for transmasculine individuals

Published: Aug 24th, 2016
Format: Physical
Number of Pages: 163
Finished: December 2019
Rating: 5⭐
Diversity: By many different transmasculine individuals

My Thoughts

This book is divided into 3 sections. Section 1: Beginnings, Pronouns, Therapy, Hormones, Surgery. Section 2: Fears, Anger, Loss, Dysphoria, Discrimination. Section 3: Changes, Living Authentically, Peace/Joy/Acceptance. Each sections starts out with a few pages talking about the sections within that section as each of those mini-sections gets some poetry. In the introduction to the entire book it does explain that they choose to keep 18+ content out because then they'd have to rate the book 18+ which would keep a lot of transmasculine teens who could really use this book from accessing it. So it is PG-13. That said though it goes into a lot of deep and emotional stuff.

I am transmasculine. I am a demiguy and I happen to be afab (assigned female at birth). This book contains poetry by binary trans men as well as non-binary transmasculine individuals. A wonderful spectrum of transmasc people. I had to take this book slow because it hit so hard with me. I just came out as trans this year. I had to take it slow because I related so much to the words in this book and it spoke to fears as well as so much. I could not handle reading this book in one sitting even though time-wise i'm sure I could have, if I had been able. It was that powerful for me.

Obviously if you are not transmasc I doubt it would have the same effect. Some of it i'm sure any (or most) trans person could relate to, much of it though being specific to transmasc people. If you are transmasc i'd highly recommend this. Being able to see yourself in the pages of a book is so rare, and these are all words by fellow transmasc people. Knowing one isn't alone in that way is the best feeling in the world, even when it's hard. Especially when it's hard.

If you aren't trans and want to learn, maybe you know a transmasc person or just want to be an ally...i'm not sure if i'd recommend this or not honestly. I mean I wouldn't not recommend it, and i'm sure it would help in that regard, but there are probably better books for that situation, this is more FOR transmasc people rather than learning ABOUT us if that makes sense. Both kinds of books are needed but there is a difference.

I have so many tabs in this book it's ridiculous. Written hearts and other annotations (yes I write in my books). I couldn't even begin to try and pick my favorite poems because it would be almost every single one. This will be on my favorites list of 2019 and for that matter, favorites of all time. This book made me have so many emotions. And I am so glad it exists.

My Review on Goodreads

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Sunday, December 29, 2019

Dec 22nd to Dec 28th, 2019 Book Haul +

Amazon Freebies

His Dirty Secret: Kim's Story by Mia Black: An Urban story (as are the next 3 I believe..all by the same author). I don't believe i've read an urban story before? I should change that.

Caught up in Love by Mia Black:

Taking What's Hers by Mia Black:

Only for a Boss by Mia Black:

Sins of the Angels by Linda Poitevin: Paranormal Romance...Angels...

Almost Gone by Ophelia Night: Thriller

Secret Santa by Edward Lorn: A short and creepy Christmas horror story. Already read it. Gave it 4 stars.

Wired by Evelyn Adams: Contemporary erotic romance

Blue Collar Bad Boys: Books 1-4 by Brill Harper: A contemporary romance box set

Don't Play With Spirits by Marcio Pacheco: A short horror story

Murder in the Manor by Fiona Grace: A cozy mystery

Love on the Court Boxset: A Sweet Basketball Romance Trilogy by Tia Souders: Contemporary sports romance

Paid for Amazon Ebook

Arcane Perfection: An Anthology by Queer, Trans and Intersex Witches by Cutlines Press: A collection of essays, poetry, art, rage, love, rituals, spells, and musings by, for, and about Queer, Trans, and Intersex Witches. It was only $1 (and I think that's always the price). Seeing as I am a queer and trans witch I had to pick it up!


Suburban Succubus by Jane Mesmeri: A short paranormal erotic story. Smashwords is currently doing an end of year sale so this (and all of the ones I got from Smashwords here) were free. Smashwords makes it easy to browse by price so I was browsing the freebies. The end of year sale goes until the 1st.

1800-DILDO: A First Time Lesbian Radio Play by Vick Knightley:

I Had No Choice, Book I by EFon:

Taken by the Giant Gingerbread Man by Ann Files: I couldn't find this one on Goodreads but it sounded hilarious and it was free, I couldn't not pick it up.

Mr Creepy Man by Briar Rose Black: Sounds dark, creepy and erotic.

Teenage Hot Tub Threesome by Damon Rain: I feel I should mention that while yes, you can find more taboo stuff on Smashwords, they do have guidelines and a strict any sexual situation in erotica that happens is between characters that are 18+ rule.

Other Stuff

I watched The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992) (4.5 stars on letterboxd), How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000) (5 stars), and The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) (4.5 stars) this past week. I actually watched them all in the same day. I guess I had some holiday spirit in me and I really enjoy these movies. I also made a few other posts during the week.

December 2019 Redbubble Haul
Bullet Journaling
How to Be You by Jeffrey Marsh book thoughts

For the Amazon freebies, I just happened to see they were free (usually because of bookbub). Often they are only free for a short time so I can't guarantee they still are when you see this. Of course I can't review what I haven't read yet so when I say what they are about it's just from what I see on Goodreads/have heard.

So what have you picked up recently? Any of these sound interesting? Comment down below! :)

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Saturday, December 28, 2019

How to Be You: Stop Trying to Be Someone Else and Start Living Your Life by Jeffrey Marsh book thoughts

How to Be You by Jeffrey Marsh

Synopsis: This book is about how to finally give up on feeling bad about ourselves and discover the best person we can be.

An interactive experience, How to Be You invites you to make the book your own through activities such as coloring in charts, answering questions about how you do the things you do, and discovering patterns in your lives that may be holding you back. Through Jeffrey's own story of "growing up fabulous in a small farming town"--along with the stories of hero/ines who have transcended the stereotypes of race, age, and gender--you will discover that you are not alone, can deepen your relationship with yourself, and find the courage to take a leap that will change your life.

In a Nutshell: A guide on how to be you, whoever that is. Self-care.

Published: Aug 2nd, 2016
Format: Physical
Number of Pages: 190
Finished: December 2019
Rating: 5⭐
Diversity: By a proud queer non-binary human

My Thoughts

It is hard to express my love for this book. There is so much love and truth within these pages. Gentle and caring words even as it made me cry, in a good way. Things I needed to hear. That I think everyone could use. Self-care, true deep self-care, is so hard for most people. And yet it's so important. For me personally it's easier to be kind to others than it is to myself, and i'm trying to learn that kindness I know others deserve? I do too. And I know many can relate.

As humans we mess up, we are messy, and things can be tough to say the least. It's ok to mess up and be messy. We often beat ourselves up for it and we shouldn't. But how do we unlearn the self-hate and the habits we've learned? It takes time but it's worth it. You are worth it. But don't take it from me, there is so much packed into this book that will make you think.

This book isn't preachy. The tone of the book through-out is sincere and has no judgement. No "This is what you must do to be happy!" type of thing i've heard other self-help books do often. This book goes deep (though always gentle) and takes an introspective look at who you are as a person. It has stories of Marsh's life, activities for you to engage in to build self-trust and acceptance, and stories of hero/heroine's.

This is truly kept as a journey for everyone. Literally, everyone. Regardless of your gender, sex, ability, race, ethnicity, religion etc.

I loved how it showed having emotions, all emotions, is ok. Feeling angry or sad isn't a flaw, it isn't something to feel bad about. It's part of being human. How you deal with these emotions matters sure, but it's ok to feel them, even necessary and let yourself feel them. All emotions. Even intense joy is often shunned in society and shouldn't be.

This book has important lessons in it's pages and it's something I know I will go back to again and again. We all deserve to love ourselves and be who we are. It's something I needed to hear, and i'm almost 31. It's something all ages can need to hear and this book can be enjoyed by anyone young or old. I am so glad I found out about this book and read it. Also Jeffrey's Twitter, their videos, always make me smile.

I took my time with this book because I wanted to really absorb and think about what it was saying. The best books make me do that, take them slow.

Honestly I can not do this book justice. If you are struggling with loving yourself, with being who you are, I highly recommend this book. I recommend it to everyone honestly.

My Review on Goodreads

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Friday, December 27, 2019

Bullet Journaling!

I started a bullet journal in the middle of 2019. I have started a new one for 2020 that should last me all of 2020. It is by Dingbats. I did see a video where someone numbered their pages and found out it was a couple pages off what it said so I finished numbering (originally I had just done January's and was going to number the pages as I went through the year) and sure enough, 3 less dotted pages than I was expecting which i'm glad I found out now and not in December. It's not a big deal knowing now, February-April just won't get cover pages. I had everything planned out to the page but have only done the pre-monthly stuff and January so far.

Anyway I figured i'd talk a bit about what's in my bullet journal. I did show my January pages on my Instagram here but they aren't good pictures (why is it impossible for me to take decent pictures of my bullet journal pages?) and of course my bullet journal is personal so I wouldn't want to show everything anyway. But that doesn't mean I can't talk about it.

Before the dotted pages even begins there is a blank page where I put the months and some important days, readathons etc. so I can remember them later. Like in January I want to do the Cancelathon, February is black history month, March is women's history month, May is Merfolk May and Mental health awareness month, stuff like that. Then the dotted pages begin. I have an index page. Then I have a goals page, which I know I did make a goals and plans for 2020 blog posts but my goals in my Bullet Journal do have some more things but I mostly just want to see where the year takes me. Like I do want to use my library more and try listening to more audio books. Finish series. Stuff like that.

Then I have an annotating/medicine page. On the top half it has how i'm going to be annotating stuff from here on out hopefully. What color tabs/highlighters mean what. Then on the bottom half I have a list of what medicines I need so each month I can make sure I look through everything to figure out what I need to buy so nothing gets missed. Then I have a page with my 40 books I want to read before I turn 40 list. Then a couple pages I can write down blog ideas. A page for potential reading moods (genres, format, age category, etc.) so if I want to read but don't know what I want to read I can take a look at it and figure out what stands out to how i'm feeling that moment and go from there.

Then some pages where I can list the books/stuff I read in 2020 with a space for title/author, fiction or nonfiction, age category, format, owned/libby/hoopla etc., and rating. Then starts the monthly stuff! With most months (except February/March/April as stated above) being able to get a cover page which will just state the month and give me space to doodle or whatever. Not actually important to me.

Then comes the days. I have written 4 boxes per page (13 by 19 dots) with each box being a day of the month. I write the day of the month in it and anything important that day and there is plenty of space in them for me to add things, add what I did that day etc. Any extra space I can doodle or add stickers. For January that means 8 pages of it, with the last page having 3 boxes for days 29-31. The last page also has a list of stuff I want to make sure to remember to add in each month (holidays, appointments, stuff like that) and even books i'm thinking of or need to read for some reason (like a group read).

After that I have a page where I can list books i've read that month. It has space for 40 books so I should be more than fine. Each line has a space for why? (i'll put a letter here like B for buddy read, G for group read, a letter for a readathon like C for Cancelathon etc. if there is no reason besides I wanted to i'll just leave it blank), the title/author, year published, number of pages, format, age group and rating.

The next page has spaces for me to list Movies/TV I watch and also a space for games I play that month. The next page is for podcasts (as I want to try to listen to some podcasts), art i've created since I want to draw and paint, and puzzles. I have sudoku, mazes, stuff like that. My bullet journal is really a hobby tracker lol. I just want to make sure i'm making time to do what I actually want to do, that i'm getting into all my hobbies and keeping my brain active. I am very limited in what I can eat and physically do so I want to make keeping my brain active a priority because that I can do. And it can be fun! :D

Then I have a monthly overview page which i'll fill in after the month is over. Just writing what I did that month, thoughts on said month or whatever. Then the next page has a space for stuff I want to get/am thinking of getting/actually buy. A "haul" page. I also have another notebook which has a list of series i've started and want to continue (many I want to re-read the first book because I suck..) with boxes for all the books in the series that I can fill in when i've read them.

Do you have a bullet journal? What kind of things do you track in it if you do?

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Tuesday, December 24, 2019

December 2019 Redbubble haul!

My first order from Redbubble!

Clicking on the pictures should make them larger if you want. The close up of the bats on the shirt has the arrows and dots because I apparently deleted the original photo after uploading it to Instagram, so that was taken via screenshot of Instagram.

I got the shirt, which I did check that it fits though I haven't washed it yet but did take note of the instructions and I promise to not slap any pandas (lol). It has 2 bats with pride flags in them, one is the demiboy flag and the other is the bisexual flag. As I am a bisexual demiguy :D.

Then I got the Crystal Queer zipper pouch as it can hold things, maybe some crystals? Years ago I had a crystal collection but then had a house fire in 2012 and lost them all. I haven't bothered starting up a collection again until recently. So hopefully that's a thing that will happen.

Then the stickers. Queer Spoonie because I am. Vacterl because I have VACteRL Association. A He/They pronoun sticker. Flutterbat because reasons. A bisexual demiguy planet. A demiguy alien.

And last but not least the art print of a skull with tentacles! It came in a tube so I had to put those things on it to get a picture of it, gotta try to straighten it out. I just really like the look of that art print.

I'm sure i'll get more stuff from redbubble in the future. Have you ever gotten anything from redbubble? Comment down below!

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Sunday, December 22, 2019

Dec 15th to Dec 21st, 2019 Book Haul and Things

Amazon Freebies

Shuttered Affections by Rene Folsom: An erotic contemporary romance where the heroine had a past abusive relationship, which I have too so I had to pick it up.

Martinis with the Devil: Part One by A.A. Chamberlynn: An urban fantasy that sounds interesting.

Poson Orchids by Sarah A. Denzil and Anni Taylor: A psychological thriller.

Love & Forever by Chloe Peterson: An f/f small town romance.

Secret Lovers by Shelley Munro: An erotic bdsm contemporary romance.

The Bars Between Us by A.S. Teague: A contemporary romance.

Love Beyond the Wall by Amelia Wilson: Paranormal romance with shifters, based on the cover i'm assuming werewolves.

Her Lesbian Vacation by Mazy Rain: Another short f/f erotica story. I think I got something from this author via prolific works or bookfunnel, which signed me up for their newsletter, so I keep getting emails about these free stories. I am not complaining lol.

Sixx by Cara Bristol: Science fiction romance.

Audio books

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling: Books #6 & 7 in the Harry Potter series. I got these before J.K.'s transphobic nonsense. Also I already had plans to re-read the Harry Potter series in physical form so I can annotate it and then eventually re-read it by listening to the audio books. I still hope to enjoy the Harry Potter series but as a trans person, J.K. can kiss my ass.

Bookfunnel Freebies

Matched with a Jaguar is not on Goodreads at this moment (of typing) but I think it's a paranormal romance with a jaguar shifter.

Chosen by the Vampire: Book 1 by Atlas Rose: An erotic paranormal romance with vampires I believe. Yesss.


Under the Magician's Spell by R.L. Stine: a Give Yourself Goosebumps book.

The Curse of the Creeping Coffin by R.L. Stine: Also a Give Yourself Goosebumps book.

Prolific Works Freebies

Taken by Monsters is not on Goodreads at this moment (of typing this) but sounded like a hilarious bigfoot porn short story.

Interstellar Tech Support by Sarina Dorie: A short sci-fi story about a dude under an alien attack in space trying to deal with tech support, sounds funny.

Random Freebie because I read The Ghost Files by Apryl Baker and it had a link at the end to get this free book

Darkness Within by Candis Vargo: A thriller.

Other Stuff

I decided i'll keep these weekly haul and stuff posts on Sundays, just so you can always expect this particular post on Sundays. I'll also start mentioning other posts I posted in the week again on here and anything else I feel like about the week. Starting in 2020 I hope to make at least about one post a week, not counting this book haul post, or more. I don't want to put too much pressure on myself in case stuff comes up and it's ok for me to not be perfect here. It is just a hobby for me. But I do want to make sure i'm working on this blog and doing things. Hence "about".

If you'd like to follow this blog there are 2 ways on the right hand side. One you click the "follow" button, I think you need a blogspot or Google thing for that. The other is the follow for email where you should just need to put in your email, click submit, and then you should get an email about posts I make. I don't believe it'll notify me of anyone who follows in this way but it's a nice way to know when I make a post. :)

For the Amazon freebies, I just happened to see they were free (usually because of bookbub). Often they are only free for a short time so I can't guarantee they still are when you see this. Of course I can't review what I haven't read yet so when I say what they are about it's just from what I see on Goodreads/have heard.

So what have you picked up recently? Any of these sound interesting? Comment down below! :)

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Sunday, December 15, 2019

Dec 8th to Dec 14th, 2019 Book Haul

Amazon Freebies

The Housewife Assassin's Killer Christmas Tips by Josie Brown: book #3 in a series I have 1, 2 and 4 as well as a prequel and I believe I got all of them for free. So here we are. Some kind of mystery.

Shattered Magic Beginnings: An Urban Fantasy First-in-Series Box Set by Jayne Faith: I've enjoyed urban fantasy and want to get back into it.

The Secrets We Keep by Mia Hayes: some contemporary book involving mental health.

The Road to Farringale by Charlotte E. English: Urban fantasy with fae in it.

Her Offering by Brittany Strokes: Alien tentacle romance. It's book #3 in a series but I wanted to check it out, if I get book #1 and end up liking the series...and if not, well it was free anyway.

Yours For The Holiday by D.J. Jamison: An M/M holiday romance.

Untrainable by Jamie Schlosser: Book #2 in a series that I also got book #3 for free...however it does say they can be read in any order as standalones so. Contemporary Romance's.

Monstrous Lust: Beware the Jabberwocky's Desires by E.M. Beastly: book #6 in a monster porn series. Short story.

Monstrous Lust: The Forest Stud's Seed by E.M. Beastly: book #1 in said monster porn series. I think these need to be read in order.

Billionaire Bachelor by Ali and Weston Parker: A contemporary romance

Dirty Belinda by Lulu Cherry: An age gap (all characters are at least 18) erotic romance.

The False Mirror by Dana V. Moison: A mystery/thriller, book #2 in a series but I also got #1 some time ago, also for free.

Silence: Little Mermaid Retold by Demelza Carlton: A little mermaid retelling. It is part of a series as #5 but it says each can be read as a standalone so, a companion series I think that's called. Each book is a retelling of a different fairy tale from the looks of it.

Camp Sweet: A Sweet-but-hot, Explicit First-time Lesbian Fantasy! by Mazy Rain: An f/f erotic short story.

Paid for Amazon Ebooks

Voices in the Snow by Darcy Coates: This is the group read for January for my group Creatures, Creatures Everywhere!. Looks like a horror book in the middle of winter, sounds perfect!

Smashwords Ebooks

Horny Ghost by M.R. Leenysman: An erotic paranormal romance with ghosts I think.

Fucked By Aliens 5 Rough Stories by Madison Fox: I'd guess it is what it says it is. If you're new here, hi, i'm weird and read all over the place. All. Over. The Place. And there is a reason I made this blog 18+ in the settings as you can see.


Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World by Cal Newport: I think I need this non-fiction book. I've heard good things and that it doesn't demonize social media in general but rather it's about living a more focused life and using it in a way that works best for you.

The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck: It's on my 40 books I want to read before I turn 40 list and I don't think it's old enough to be in the public domain and it's not on my hoopla or libby so I had to buy it. All I know is it's about the great depression and considered a classic.

All of Us With Wings by Michelle Ruiz Keil: From what I gather a hard-hitting own voices contemporary story with queer and poc characters.

Like Water For Chocolate by Laura Esquivel: A historical fiction Mexican classic involving food and romance published the year I was born (1989) is all I know. That and it's also on my 40 books I want to read before I turn 40 list.

Blood Heir by Amélie Wen Zhao: A YA fantasy, I think it's Chinese inspired and is by a Chinese author.

The Adventurous Eaters Club: Mastering the Art of Family Mealtime by Misha Collins and Vicki Collins: Misha Collins co-authored with his wife. Misha Collins plays Castiel on Supernatural, a show I love. The proceeds go to helping kids get food. What's not to love? I mean sure, with my medical issues I probably won't be able to eat most if anything of what's in the book to be honest but there are still pictures and it sounds funny. Also, good cause so i'm happy either way.

Engines of Desire: Tales of Love & other Horrors by Livia Llewellyn: An anthology of horror and erotic stories. Is the group read from Feb 15th-March 14th of 2020 in the Spells, Space and Screams group on Goodreads.

Gideon The Ninth by Tamsyn Muir: Lesbian necromancers in space. Skeletons.

The Deep by Rivers Solomon: Mer-creatures. It has non-binary rep and is by a non-binary POC. Also the December read for the Enby Book Club and i'm non-binary. Hopefully i'll get to it this month but if not then i'll just have to get to it next year.

Strange Planet by Nathan W. Pyle: I've been reading these hilarious and oh so relatable comics on their Instagram.

Yule: Rituals, Recipes & Lore for the Winter Solstice by Susan Pesznecker: The last in the Sabbat series that I need to read. Forgot to put this on my December TBR. Yule is however in a few days (21st) so I probably won't read it "in time" but whatever.

The Second Horror by R.L. Stine and The Third Horror by R.L. Stine: I recently read (and loved) The First Horror so here's hoping I can stay focused on my December TBR and not just read these to see what happens next.

For the Amazon freebies, I just happened to see they were free (usually because of bookbub). Often they are only free for a short time so I can't guarantee they still are when you see this. Of course I can't review what I haven't read yet so when I say what they are about it's just from what I see on Goodreads/have heard.

So what have you picked up recently? Any of these sound interesting? Comment down below! :)

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